Turn towards emotions rather than away from them
In the end, we cannot avoid emotions, we can only experience
them. Trying to suppress emotions may feel like a good short-term solution but
is often unhelpful in the long term. If feelings are there, then they are
there. Trying to suppress them usually leads them to “slip out sideways” at a
certain point. Also, we never get to have information or evidence that
challenges the prediction of what would happen if we didn’t use avoidance (e.g.
we might learn the emotions are not as overwhelming as we had imagined them to
be). Emotions have a purpose and help to organize us in some ways. For
instance, if we feel fear we prepare ourselves to escape a threat. If we are
sad often it is because we have been wounded and need to heal. Anger might help
prepare us for a challenge or obstacle we need to overcome. Attempting to
resist or avoid unwanted feelings may actually intensify and perpetuate distress,
rather than help resolve it. Experiencing a feeling can help to let go of it. Rather
than trying to push them away, allow yourself to feel your feelings. You will
likely realize that while emotions can be very unpleasant: a) they are
tolerable and b) they subside. Consider this as well: people often avoid
emotions and mistakenly believe that by doing so they are exercising greater
“control” over them. But in fact, the opposite is true. We have control over
our emotions when we make a conscious choice to allow ourselves to experience
them. It is the difference between dipping your toe in the water to see if the
temperature is ok vs. being pushed into the pool unexpectedly.
Lee M. Stillerman, PhD
www.RiversideCaPsychologist.com
Lee M. Stillerman, PhD
www.RiversideCaPsychologist.com
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